meliska_izzy

So i have a lot of stuff on my mind....and i'm going to write it here because no one reads this so i don't have to worry about them. I miss my friends. Yes i was the one that stopped being friends with them and I had my reasons for it but I miss them all the same. I have no one to confide in anymore, no one understands. I just feel like i'm stuck in a void of no emotion. A black hole so to say. it doesn't bother me that no one will read this, i just needed to write it.

Here’s a quote for you: “They say we should follow our hearts and let the fates take us where we want to and need to go, but sometimes, the fates are all we have to pretend”. Have you ever had the dream to be noticed? To be famous? Wealthy? Happy? And have the perfect family and the perfect friends? These goals slowly fade away as we grow up and realize that the world isn’t that great a place. The fantasies disappear, the things we used to believe in no longer seem real. Like Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny maybe? How many of you can tell me seriously that you still believe in these things? Have you opened your eyes yet and seen the horrible fates that some of you may face when you grow older? You know, as I’ve grown up, the questions I used to think about have changed quite a bit. Back then it was stuff like what should I wear tomorrow? And who ate the last cookie? Back in the old days there was magic in toy stores but now all I see is plastic, plastic and paint. Now the questions I seem to think about are ‘How does this happen?’, ‘Who does it happen to?’, and then of course there’s ‘will it happen to me?’. Have you ever started to get paranoid about fate and started reading horoscopes? Hiding in corners and bending over backwards to avoid the troubles awaiting you? Your eyes may have opened up to the reality of everything good and bad in this world but your child like fears still lurk in the edge of your mind. That place where dusty cobwebbed memories are. Think about the horrors you have faced, and the fact that you may think your life is worse than everyone else’s. The time may come for us to change the world, one step at a time. Yet its still harder to believe in changing the world instead of making it happen.
Well now that probably doesn’t make sense, but I think it sounds good. You know for some reason today I found myself thinking about my dad and the problems we have. And I found myself wondering what it would be like if I was different? Would it change anything? Would I appreciate him more or less? Would we be closer? Or would our relationship stay the same? I know to ignore him, I know he says he loves me, and I love him with all my heart, but I have one question to ask you….. How can you love somebody with so much hate?
Well now that all of that is out of way, I’ll get on with this. I guess you can say I’ve been good. Still no job even though I’ve been trying, and school is ending quickly, well this semester anyways. I’m recovering great from my surgery which is good. There’s not really much else to say about me, the top part of this update was the main things I wanted to get out for some reason. Everyone needs their random rant, obviously if u made it down to here you’ve read all of that. Unless you just skipped ahead. But whatever, I don’t mind. I’m thinking this is long enough. Thanks for reading and leave me some love.

Well once again its been a while since I updated. Let’s find out what’s new with me shall we??? I switched campuses and now go to Center Campus on 19 and Garfield, instead of South Campus on 12 and Hayes. I am now majoring in what I’ve wanted to major in my whole life, Early Childhood Education. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to major in Web Design too, but that’s been put aside for the time being. I will go back in the future to get my degree in that. HMMM what else is there?? My teachers are nice, wait its not teachers its professors oops. LOL. There’s not really much else to write about that I can think of. At least not anything I’d like to mention in this wonderful update of mine.
Actually you know what I think I’m going to rant. You know how people say ‘don’t have a cow’, I don’t get that at all! Okay, ONE, people cannot have cows, can you imagine how much that would hurt?? Talk about ouch!! Another statement that I don’t get is ‘there’s a frog in my throat’, tell me how the hell does a frog get in your throat??? But I think that’s enough of that.
Have you ever felt alone yet were surrounded by people?? I kind of felt that way on my first day of school this year. I left all my friends at south campus, and haven’t made any new ones at Center yet. I have seen Elle there so that’s cool.
Did you know that Life is 10% of what you make it and 90% of how you take it? I’m not sure myself what that means, but hell its got to mean something LOL. Sometimes I find myself saying internet acronyms out loud. Like saying LOL instead of laughing. I know stupid right. But I’m me! One word I get called a lot is Weird. If you think about it half of the population is weird, so then wouldn’t weird be normal?? What is normal? Someone please tell me! You know how people say that you need a goal in life?? Its just like they said in the movie dodge ball “I think its better not to have a goal cuz if you don’t succeed then you won’t be disappointed and when you accomplish something then it’s a great feeling”.
But yeah you know what I think this entry is too long, I was going to put song lyrics in her from a song I like but I’ll just put in my favorite part. Okay? Not like you have a choice, I don’t think many people read this anymore.
'Cause when you're a celebrity It's adios reality You can act just like a fool People think you're cool Just 'cause you're on TV I can throw a major fit When my latte isn't just how I like it When they say I've gone insane I'll blame it on the fame And the pressures that go with Being a celebrity

So... its been a long time since i've updated. Since like June 28 and its like August now. Well let's see if I can remember anything exciting that happened over that time. I went to Shifted Lands with Brandon and Heather, it was so much fun. I got to be a Zombie, a Genie, A wolf, and an Aqua Elf. LOL. It was really hot outside though. But I lived as you can see. Hmmm what else is there to say. I just recently got back from going up north with Heather to her Grandma's. It was fun. On the way there the truck started over heating, so we had to pull over at a gas station. Inside the gas station it was so hot because the air wasn't working. But we finally made it there. It was hot inside the trailer too, no air in there either. We went swimming at the Lake and then we took Limburge swimming. It was fun. On Wensday, we all went swimming and me and Michelle were holding on to Ashley, we both let go and she went underwater, she came back up and tried to get the water out of her ears, then she popped them and started saying she couldn't hear, i had to talk directly into her ear to get her to hear me. So i took her back up to heather's grandmas and stuff, but she can hear now so thats cool. There was a wasp nest built under the stairs, Heather's mom got stung twice, i felt bad for her, i was scared to go down the stairs, luckily there were two sets of stairs to go down. LOL. Thursday night I was in the Emergency Room at St. John Macomb. I've been having really bad stomach aches right where my incision is. I had surgery when i was 3 weeks old. So I had an x-ray and an ultrasound done on my stomach, but they still don't know whats wrong. So now i have to go see a surgeon. They think it might be an Ulcer, so i can't have caffiene or spicy foods. While i was over at heather's, Brandon's birthday came. So he came over and we played Tetris for hours, and we went to Mongolian Barbeque, it was so much fun. I want to get that Tetris game for my DS, cuz its cool. Well I'll keep you guys updated on the stomach thing, and i really don't know what else to talk about cuz nothing else really happens, soon i'm going to learn how to parallel park and then go take my road test, so i'll have my license before school starts, and then i get to drive to school on my own for the first time ever. its going to be kind of scary. Well talk to you all later, have a good day and night and all that junk.

Hey whats up people? NM here. I had an interview at Mcdonalds, but i didn't get a call back so no job there, I have an interview at Subway tomorrow, lets hope that goes good, cross your fingers. Monday was my sister's birthday, I made her cake, it was yummy, and then we went out to Olga's for her birthday dinner with Denise and some of her friends. It was fun, and the food was yummy, I had chicken caesar salad, yummy! Lets see, what else is there? I went to the mall with Elle the other day, that was fun, I got two t-shirts, a grumpy bear one and a simple plan. Half off clearance, and i paid $8. Where can ya get a better deal than that? I'm supposed to go to Shifted Lands with Brandon and Heather, live action roleplaying, if I have a job i'm not going because i'm not going to ask for days off that soon. Money is more important. But yeah i dont know what else to type, so i think this is all for the update, talk to ya later

Yo! What's up peeps? Not much here. Well for those of you who don't know, I'm living back with my mom in Romeo. Its nice here, very quiet. For more news on me, I got my permit, cost me $25 but oh well. I'm hoping to have my license before I go back to school in August. I have a question for everyone, why is it that we have like 50 people to choose from for Miss America, but only 2 people to choose from for president? It makes no freaking sense to me. Its June 4th already, man time flies. Can you believe tuesday is the 6th? It's been nicknamed devil day in my house: LOL :) But its also the day the 5th season of charmed comes out on DVD. and i so have to get it! The movie Omen comes out on that day too and i really want to see it cuz it sounds really really good, then again i want to see Silent Hill too, choices choices. Well not much more to say from me, Me and heather ordered the game Nightmare on ebay, and we're looking for more people to play with us one day soon. Let me or her know, thanks, byez

Yay i am offically auntie Mel, my adopted nephew was born yesterday. Seth Raymond Linden, 5 lbs 6 oz. I haven't seen him yet, but i've heard that he's really cute. I'll probably go sometime this week to visit him and Stephanie. Aside from that thigns have been good. There's not really much more to update on, so that's all i'm going to put, i know this is a short entry but live with it. Heart yaz

Has anyone ever heard the story of the ugly duckling that turned into a beautiful swan and lived happily ever after?? Everyone makes fun of the duckling because its different than everyone else, its not normal. Well thats who i feel like, the ugly duckling. Except i'm not a duckling just a girl. Just a 20 year old, tom boyish girl. Of course the growing up part has happened, but i didn't turn beautiful. I dont think i'm beautiful, i've been told that i was cute, but i don't see it. If you've talked to me recently than you know how i'm really doing, if not than u still won't know. I'm still upset over the whole Alex thing, but i bet not many of you know about that. My friend (ha some friend) Sam's boyfriend Alex, started to fall in love with me, and him and sam broke up. So alex started to lead me on, hey i didn't complain, i liked him too, then he chose to be with Sam, and i got stomped on like bubble wrap. He does feel really sorry but i dont know if I want to forgive him just yet you know. I'm still mad. But enough about that. Now there's Keith, i really like Keith and i think he's a nice guy, but I don't want to get hurt again, i'm afraid. Well happy mothers day to all my friends that are mothers (Talena, Heather), or are soon going to be mothers (Stephanie). I spent Mothers day with my mom in Romeo, but i really don't want to go back to Warren. Not that I dont like staying at heather's cuz i do, i just......i dont know miss my family i guess. But anyways, there's pretty much an update on me, the ugly duckling not yet turned swan. Leave me some love ~~~~~~~~~~ MEL

Yeah i know i haven't updated in a while. Well for those who haven't heard from me lately, i was supposed to move in with my friend and her landlord said that i didn't make enough a month to move in. So for a while i was real upset because i had no where to go. I'm currently living with my friend Heather until i can find an apartment. Who knows how long that will take... hopefully not very long. Oh yeah just a little note, i'm sorry that i'm such a bad friend to some of you. I'm sorry that i'm attention seeking, i don't really even try to be, but i guess i am, and i know i'm really close to my mom, but i really don't know whats wrong with that. But anyways... I'm still really depressed, i miss waking up to seeing my own family in the morning, i'm tired of people telling me oh you can come stay with me at my house, don't you think i'll feel like an orphan moving from hosue to house, until i find a place to stay. I will. Not that i don't mind staying at Heather's, there's really nothing wrong with it, i mean i dont like Dana very much but oh well... i just miss being with my own family. We had to give my dog to the animal shelter on saturday, it was sad, i miss her a lot. and i really hope she's okay. Friday me and heather saved a little puppy. Our good deed for the day. It jumped out of this lady's window and it was hanging by its collar. It finally slipped out of the collar and me and heather chased it around. We went up to my mom's townhouse, and visited frontier town... sooo cool! there was this really cool bead store that we would have spent all our money at if we had enough. Speaking of money i still need my paycheck, that stupid macomb sent to the wrong place so now we have to wait for them to re send it. stupid! Starting May 13th i need to find a new job, and can someone please give me some saving tips cuz i can't save for the life of me! As soon as it hits my pocket its gone. But i did realize that a majority of my money is being spent on food and soda at college. Isn't that crazy? I think i'm going to start bringing my lunch a lot more. Probably save me quite a bit of money. But i think thats about it for me... i'm really depressed today and not really feeling like talking, but with my friends i can't do that for long. LOL. Well once again i'd like to apologize to one friend (if i can still call her my friend), i was really rude and talked about her behind her back, and that wasn't right of me. Maybe i am attention seeking, maybe i do have a lot of problems, and maybe i do need serious help, but i'm trying, i'm only me... i'm only one person, i can't do everything on my own. Well talk to you all later... i hope. I don't want to hand out my friends number, but if you know who she is then u already have it.. Wow this was a long update. well talk to you later

I've been in a depressive state lately, this whole moving thing is really tearing me apart. For those who don't know, I was supposed to be moving in with my friend but that feel through, so I'm going to stay at one of my friends houses for now until I find another place to live, or my mom gets the people at the townhouse to allow me in. But anyways, I'm moving into my friend's house tomorrow, my computer, dresser, comuputer desk, computer chair, stool, tv, and gamecube with games are coming with me, the rest of my stuff is going with my mom or my dad to store away. I'm going to miss my mom a ton, but Its not like i'll never see her again so its not all that bad I guess. I won't have internet at my friend's house, at least I don't think i will, so this is pretty much my last night with internet. Fun huh.... i don't really think so. But what can you do? I had a breakdown on wendsday at college and started crying, Sam stayed with me, and Elle and Alice helped too, Stephie helped, i love my friends to death, and oh yeah Amanda too, i didn't forget you, i dont know what i would do if i didn't have my friends at a time like this. Well I'm going to go now.... I'm just letting people know that this is my last night with internet, so this is probably my last update for a while.... maybe maybe not, i could just update at school, but thats almost over too. TTYL Bye peeps and happy easter

Lord what do I do?
There’s a little boy by the side of the road
Hurting, Crying
So lonely, So cold
Holding a sign
With tears in his eyes
Says ‘Johnny’s mommy’s not home and I can’t find mine’

Cause mommy ain’t there
And I am so sad
Daddy’s been drinking
And it makes me so mad
Baby brother is crying
And I have no food
Lord why won’t you help me?
Lord what do I do?

He hears sirens wailing
As they take his mommy away
Not knowing for sure
If momma will see another day
Daddy came home
Pissed off as hell
Dinner wasn’t ready
Momma wasn’t feeling well

Cause mommy ain’t there
And I am so sad
Daddy’s been drinking
And it makes me so mad
Baby brother is crying
And I have no food
Lord why won’t you help me?
Lord what do I do?

Little boy’s crying
As his daddy hits
As daddy hits mommy with his strong hateful fists
Little boy hears a thump
As mommy hit’s the wall
And now mommy’s not breathing
Not moving at all

Cause mommy ain’t there
And I am so sad
Daddy’s been drinking
And it makes me so mad
Baby brother is crying
And I have no food
Lord why won’t you help me?
Lord what do I do?

Now mommy is gone
And the little boy’s sad
Daddy got locked up
And boy is he mad
He stands on the road
So lonely and cold
Holding that sign
‘Johnny’s mommy’s not home and I can’t find mine’

Cause mommy ain’t there
And I am so sad
Daddy’s been drinking
And it makes me so mad
Baby brother is crying
And I have no food
Lord why won’t you help me?
Lord what do I do?

Lord why couldn’t you help her?
Lord why’d you let her die?
Little boy wiped his tears
As he kissed mommy…
Goodbye

My first attempt at writing a song... be gentle, i've never wrote a song before

Well........ I just found out i'm moving in 2 or 3 months (for sure) to 31 and Van Dyke.... i may still be going to Macomb Community College or may not, i may try and find a college around there to go too... so this is a big advance warning to all my friends out there that care about me.. thats all i want to say for now, talk to you later

People talking, think I'm all right
Think I'm doin' fine
Goin' through the motions of my life
Go to work now every mornin'
Yeah I play the part
And hide away the contents of my solemn heart

But when the sun goes down
And the moon is high
I can't control the flood of all these tears inside
And if they only knew
They'd be so surprised
I'm just a good pretender in a great disguise

Keep 'em guessin', keep 'em laughin'
Build that wall up high

As long as they don't see the other side
You've really done it
Done a number, a number on my soul
But I'll be damned if I'll ever let you know

But when the sun goes down
And the moon is high
There's no way to hide the truth from me, myself, and I
Yeah, I wear it well
Though it ain't my size
I'm just a good pretender in a great disguise

I'm not one to show emotion
Like some fools I see
I won't wear my heart out on my sleeve
I don't miss you
Not for a moment
I'm gonna be okay

Words of wisdom spoken
By the light of day

But when the sun goes down
And the moon is high
Your memory pulls me under like a strong riptide
I'm still in love with you
It's all smoke and lights
I'm just a good pretender in a great disguise
I'm just a good pretender in a great disguise

Sarah Beth is scared to death
To hear what the doctor will say
She hasn't been well
Since the day that she fell
And the bruises just won't go away
So she sits and see waits with her mother and dad
Flips through an old magazine
Till a the nurse with a smile
Stands at the door
And says will you please come with me

Sarah Beth is scared to death
Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white
Something's not right
But we're gonna take care of you

Six chances in ten it won't come back again
With the therapy were gonna try
It's just been approved
It's the strongest there is
I think we caught it in time

Sarah Beth closes her eyes
She dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And the soft wind in blowing her hair

Sarah Beth is scared to death
As she sits holding her mom
Says it would be a mistake
For someone to take
A girl with no hair to the prom

Oh, just this morning right there on her pillow
Was the coolest of any surprise
And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands
The proof that she couldn't deny

Sarah Beth closes her eyes
She dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares

And her very first love is holding her close
And a soft wind is blowing her hair

It's quarter to seven, that boy's at the door
And her daddy ushers him in
And when he takes off his cap
They all start to cry
Cause this morning where his hair had all been
Softly she touches just skin

And they go dancing, around and around
Without any cares
And her very first true love is holding her close
And for a moment she isn't scared

You know you're a 90's kid if..


You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air"

You remember when Kurt Cobain, Tu Pac, River Pheonix, and Selena died.

You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"

You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

you danced to "wannabe" by the Spice Girls, Females: had a new motto, Males: got a whole lot gay-er. (so tell me what you want, what you really really want.)

You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green* Ranger were meant to be together.

*later to be white

"I've fallen and I can't get up"

You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates

Two words... Trapper Keeper.

You ever got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide

You wore socks over leggings scrunched down

"Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back" SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS PHANTS PHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCE
he jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stubbed his toe toe toe and thats the end end end of the elephants show show show

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players

You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool

You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"

You played and or collected "Pogs"

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere

You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles

Yikes pencils and erasers were the shit.

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)

You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out.

You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.

You remember a time before the WB.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" ... enough said

You thought Brain woud finally take over the world

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

Repost this if you were a 90's kid and can relate to any of these